Saturday, July 12, 2008

Deposition of Bishop Coke Classic

Back in March, Chris Johnson of the MCJ gave us an interview with the latest innovative bishop in PEcUSA -- an empty coke bottle. Given the trends of that organization, however, it is only a matter of time and "progress" until what seems like an innovation today is revealed to be far too outmoded and conservative. Looking down the road a few years, therefore, I predict that this empty coke bottle shall eventually be deposed...

Update -- PEcUSA 2067

Today, by a majority vote of 22 to 195, bishop Cokes Classic was deposed from office by presiding bishop Dr. Pepper Lite.

In a statement released by 815, Dr. Pepper said "We can no longer accept the continued presence of 'classic' bottles in our organization. 'Classic' sodas are responsible for global warming, slavery, racism, sexism, homophobia, carnivorousness, tasteful vestments, earthquakes, fire, floods, rains of fish, tooth decay, receeding hairlines, spandex, constipation and the common cold.

"By being a 'Classic' bottle, bishop Cokes has thus sinned against what this institution stands for, and has thus been voted out of office by the 22 votes which our laywer, David Root Beers, assures me constitutes a majority according to the canons. Accordingly, effective today, Bishop Cokes Classic is no longer a member of the House of Bottles and no longer permitted to perform any ecclesiastical acts in our organization."

Reportedly, 43 members of the Episcopal church have left the organization over this latest decision -- representing a loss of 11% of the group's remaining membership. Asked about this devleopment, Dr. Pepper said "the media is focusing on only a minor percentage of our organization and blowing the issue way out of proportion. The majority of the Episcopal Church's 5 parishes in 11 countries are doing quite well and continuing to focus on spreading the word of the MDGs and sharing that good news with the world." Asked what he thought about this latest development in his church, one of the organization's few remaining members said "eh? Whazzat? Speak up, sonny! Where's my peanut?"

The United Church of Christ, Unitarians, and ELCA issued statements supporting this latest action by the Episcopal Church. Asked what the official Roman position was on these latest development in the Episcopal Church, pope Benedict XVIII said "the what? Sorry... never heard of them."

- Reuters

First posted on the MCJ blog.