Saturday, July 12, 2008

Deposition of the pope by Dr. Schori

In celebration of Dr. Schori's pleading of a "scheduling conflict" to avoid the reception by the pope of American religious leaders in New York this past April, I bring you:

-- Office of the Supreme Leader, Fuhrer, and Executive Autocrat
Dr. Katharine Jefferts Schori
Presiding Oddly Mitred Person and Gorilla

Announcement of the Deposition of Pope Benedict XVI

The Title IV Review Committee having certified to me on April 19, 2008 pursuant to Canon IV. 1(1) of the Hermetic-Samaratine Corpus of the Secret Laws of Episcopal church (whose glorious contents are known only to those initiated into the mysteries of the goddess under the aegis of Simon Magus by archierophant Beers) that the Rt. Rev. Joseph Alois Ratzinger, sometimes known as Benedict the XVI, bishop of Rome, has abandoned the communion and teaching of this organization; and the three senior individuals of my personal coffee & martini klatch (the Rt. Rev B. Harris, the Rt. Rev. J. Spong and the Rt. Rev. V. G. Robinson) having consented to this inhibition on that same day, I hereby inhibit the said Bishop Ratzinger and order that from and after April 19, 2005, he cease and desist from exercising the gifts of ordination and ministry; and pursuant to Canon IV.15 of that same Hermetic legal corpus, I pronounce him deposed and order that he cease and desist such acts in any jurisdiction, country, monastery, pub, auditorium, sports arena, or ecclesial location.

I further order and decree that, pursuant to Canon IV.23a and to the Denis Canon, that all monies, properties, parishes, buildings, endowments and any other temporal or secular possessions heretofore belonging either to his see of Rome or to any diocese, religious house or institution which owes affiliation to that see is now forfeit to the Episcopal Organization and I direct that all titles, funds, leases, liens and endowments be transfered forthwith to this office after which transfers, pursuant to section 23b of that same canon, I direct him to cease and desist exercise of all matters temporal as well.

I call upon this former bishop of Rome, now deposed, to apologize to the world for being accused of supporting Nazism, for belittling Islam, for denigrating European secularism, for causing global warming, for eating beef, for rejecting homosexualism and women's ordination, for encouraging prayer, for having nicer vestments than I do, and for upholding Christian teaching.

I hereby direct that notice of this Inhibition and Deposition be expiditiously sent to the college of Roman cardinals, Louis Crew, the New York Times, the Ecumenical Patriarch (you're next, mister!), the Dalai Lama, Barbara Streisand, Muqtada al-Sadr and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad may-he-live-forever-and-be-blessed-with-1000-camels.

Katharine J. "Kitty Cat" Schori
a.k.a. Donnette Schorlione
Presiding Administrator of the Episcopal Organization
Revered and fully-participating member of the Canturbury Anglican Communion.

First posted on the MCJ blog