Thursday, July 10, 2008

Episcopalians, Hide those Eggs

The Presiding Individual's Easter Message

Rendered into hymn form. Sung to the tune of Come, Ye Faithful, Raise the Strain

(I'm sorry... I just couldn't resist. I swear, Dr. Schori makes it too easy. This stuff just writes itself...)

Episcopalians, hide those eggs!
Display that branch a-greenin'
But remember, as you do,
The season's truer meaning!
No, I don't mean Jesus Christ,
Or even resurrection,
But what we preach to take His place:
Environmental protection!

Jews and Christians are at fault
For all the world's pollution,
By their foolish rejection of
The Caananite solution!
Fertility goddesses, and the Baals,
And Love Children of the '60s,
Were right instead -- but don’t despair...
We've got your new B.C.P.s!

Here come Episcopal missionaries,
(Though not as you expected)
Sewage, not sin, is to be done in
(The H.O.B.'s excepted.)
Rising sea levels aren't caused by sin,
We need no Noah's arcs,
For what the church should fight today...
Is hamburgers and cow farts!

Episcopalians, raise the strain,
Of your new religion:
Kick the last good bishops out,
Invite more unbaptized in! (*)
Sue the orthodox laity,
Abandon member retention,
We need to sell their buildings off...
So we can pay our pensions!

(*) For those few who might not get the reference: the bishopess of Utah, a former Mormon, has never received Christian baptism. She is, sacramentally, what much of the H.O.B. is theologically – non-Christian. And, of course, in a similarly total rejection of Christian sacramental theology, more and more dioceses are not requiring baptism for the reception of communion.

(First posted on various blogs, Holy Week 2008)