Saturday, July 12, 2008

Episcopal church condems mathematics

Back in March, Dr. Schori arranged for the depositions of bishops Cox and Schofield with a novel interpretation of the canons under which, as Chris Johnson on the MCJ blog pointed out, a "majority of bishops eligible to vote" could be re-defined as 21%.

In celebration of this novel interpretation, I bring you the following item of interest:

Breaking News

The Episcopal church announced today that it has determined that mathematics is contrary to its mission and the "new thing" it is doing, and so is to be excluded from all further Episcopal deliberations and judgements.

"Mathematics, with its insistence upon right and wrong, true and false, is contrary to the true meaning of Christianity" said Dr. Schori, the organization's leader, in an afternoon press conference. "Christianity is about love, acceptance and inclusivity... and saying that one answer is 'right' and another is 'wrong' goes against that spirit, and against everything we in the Episcopal church preach."

She continued: "these outmoded concepts of 'truth' and 'logic' were foolishly adopted by the Judeo-Christian tradition, and help explain that tradition's culpability for environmental warming, global pollution, overpopulation, and premature hair loss. If the Jews had simply listened to their Caananite neighbors or Christians to the Gnostic so-called heretics, we wouldn't be having any of these problems today."

One reporter asked how her message of inclusivity and tolerance is compatible with her organization's continued and growing persecution of its few remaining members who uphold the Christian faith. She replied "we cannot permit within our organization people who are intolerant. Those who claim that there is a 'right' and 'wrong' -- that the Scriptures or Creeds are objectively 'true' or that some behavior is 'sinful' -- are both mistaken and seditious. Their opinions are wrong and we cannot tolerate them any longer."

When a follow-up question pointed out the apparent illogic and inconsistency of her words, actions, and usage of the organization's own cannons, she replied "it is precisely that kind of mathematical, 'logical' thinking which has led us to our long overdue declaration that mathematics is no longer welcome in the Episcopal church."

First posted on the MCJ blog.