Saturday, July 12, 2008

Radical Welcome - Episcopal Style

"Radical Welcome". Yeah... that's just got to be an Episcopal thing, doesn't it? It even encodes its own subtext... "Welcome Radicals" -- or, more accurately, "[Only] Radical[s] Welcome".

Anyway, you can see just where this sort of thing is leading....

Sunday, April 6, 2008
Philadelphia, PA

Prince of Darkness attends Episcopal Seminar

In a move that suprised some observers, Satan, Prince of Darkness, Fallen Angel, and C.E.O. of Hell Inc. (tm) yesterday attended a seminar entitled "Radical Welcome" at Christ church, Episcopal, here in Philadelphia.

"We were delighted by this distinguished individual's presence" said Susan Richardson, assistant minister and organizer of the event. "Historically, demonic powers have been among those constituencies marginalized by the Church, so this visit was not only a special personal treat for me but was also of profound symbolic significance for our whole community."

Ms. Richardson went on to explain how the Episcopal church's program of transformation over the last 40 years has, in fact, worked in close consultation with the powers of Hell and Everlasting Damnation. "However, this is the first event," she gushed, "which one of our new allies has attended in person, and I take great pride in the fact that it was a meeting centered upon our organization's themes of 'welcome' and 'inclusivitiy' which was so honored." She quickly added that she "confidently expects" more and more Episcopal functions over the coming months and years to be openly attended by fallen angels.

The first physical appearance of a demonic minion at an Episcopal event was, in fact, supposed to have occured at a recent Episcopal synod (in a panel entitled "The 2020 Task Force: New Directions") however Dr. Shori, the ecclesial organization's leader, requested that the appearance and panel be delayed, lest too much attention be drawn to the details of that meeting, which was taking the "radically welcoming" step of illegally deposing two of its members.

"We were happy to respect Dr. Schori's request to delay my appearance" smiled the visiting devil. "We in Hell have no desire to distract from the laudable progress which has been made by the Episcopal church in recent decades... and, of course, though not there in person, I was there in spirit, as I have been at many of its meeting and conventions."

Yesterday's all-day seminar -- entitled, "Radical Welcome – Welcoming Transformation" -- included sessions entitled "Welcoming Other Faiths"; "Welcoming the Transgendered"; "Cows and You: How to Greet without Methane"; "Welcoming the 'New Thing'"; "The Welcoming and Transforming Power of Labyrinths"; "Greeting the goddess" and, reported to be Satan's favorite, "Transforming the Faith."

In a gesture which Ms. Richardson described as "emblematic of the welcoming nature of Episcopal church", Lucifer, the Fallen One, was asked to address the congregation at Christ church this morning in place of the usual Sunday sermon. "I wasn't bothered by his presence at all" said Leslie Cartwright, a long-time parishoner. "What he preached didn't sound any different from what we usually hear from our pulpit... I think he fits right in to our parish family and we felt quite at home. He even" she added, blushing, "requested the recipe for my devil's food cake at coffee hour afterwards."

Asked whether the rumors of his plans to seek ordination in the Episcopal church are true, Satan declined to comment, saying only that his busy schedule would preclude any full-time enrollment, at least until the new Episcopal seminary in the city of Dis is completed. "After that... well, we'll see" he said, before disappearing back to the Great Pit in a brimstone-scented flash of fire.

The vestry of Christ church is reportedly looking forward to the growth of its parish membership by an influx of Satanists, as they learn of this special appearance by their Dire Master and Foul Ruler. "The ongoing litigation being forced upon our church is quite expensive" confessed Ms. Richardson. "As satanists often are single and have extra disposable income from their hobbies of murder, blackmail and theft, we look forward to the pledges from these new members helping us meet our fiscal goals to the diocese and national church... and, of course, in helping us spread our transforming message of radical 'Shalom'."

First posted on the MCJ blog.